Thankful

Yes, very thankful. Last weekend, I had lunch with my Grandma. My only grandparent left. She is old, tired and frail. I am so happy to see her, yet at the same time, I'm reminded of how short our time here is, how time flies. How we take things for granted and don't stop to appreciate the little things in life. And that makes me sad. I am caught in a struggle to want to be with her, spend more time learning about what her life was about, what it was like raising my father. The kind of trouble he used to get into. I'm reminded of how little I did know about him. Now that he is gone, I feel like I have all these unanswered questions that need answering yet, I'm afraid to ask. Since my father died a few months ago, I feel strange asking his family about him, as I don't want to upset those he meant the most to, like it may be too soon. It seems like everyone still tiptoes around the whole subject of my dad. So, I stay quiet. Quietly observing. There were many people my father hurt and disappointed when he was alive. And now, we his children must live with the aftermath. I know these people are not mad at me or my family, in fact I know they love us very much. I just think they don't want us to be angry, hurt or sad anymore.

My grandmother doesn't talk much. She is the quiet observer. I know she was happy to see us. I also know that it must make her feel melancholy, too. Just as she reminds of our father, we remind her of her oldest son. She doesn't have a good memory, either, so every time we see each other, it is like starting all over. I don't know how she feels. But I know she must still be sad over his passing. I wake up some days and think that it can't be real, that it all happened so fast. Too fast. I don't think I've ever been affected by anything quite like this in my life. I miss him every day and wish that I could have had just one more opportunity to say "I love you".....I know he knew. I feel that he knows that I think about him all the time. I pray that he has found peace, and that we will all eventually find our own inner peace.

Today, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. Learn something about them that you didn't know before. Tell them that you love them. Kiss your babies. Hug a friend. Don't let another day go by without telling them how they have touched your life. Peace out.